Sometimes the people closest to us show a side we never expected, especially when big events make tensions run high. One of our readers thought weddings were supposed to be about love and celebration, but what happened at her best friend’s wedding left her speechless.
Here is Kate’s letter:
Hello Bright Side,
Last August, I attended my best friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid with my dog, Max. He was supposed to be the flower dog. Everything was going great, everyone was getting ready for the big day. Or, so I thought.
On the morning of the wedding, my best friend pulled me aside and said, “You need to shave Max right now, he’s clashing with the ocean theme.” I laughed, thinking she was joking. She wasn’t.
Minutes later, she threatened to kick me out, so I grabbed my dog and left. I was halfway home when the groom started calling me. He sent a message telling me to pick up the phone.
I almost didn’t pick up his call. But curiosity won. He sounded panicked.
I picked up the phone and immediately heard the chaos in the background. The groom finally said he paused the wedding and can’t go through with this unless I come back and bring Max. I didn’t expect that big of an ultimatum.
Turns out, his OCD had been triggered by last-minute changes to the wedding lineup. He’d mentally prepared for Max walking down the aisle, and without him, everything felt wrong. The bride still refused to apologize, so I told him that we’re already at home. He paused for a second and said, “Then I guess there’s no wedding today.”
Of course, they ended up going through with the wedding later that day, but my best friend still hasn’t spoken to me since. And I keep wondering if I overreacted by refusing to shave Max. I was honestly stunned when she asked me that, and I didn’t even know how to respond.
Now I’m left feeling guilty that my friendship might be over because of this. Do you think I should have handled it differently? Or should I apologize to her?
Sincerely,
Kate
Accept that weddings bring out stress in people.
Sounds like the Bride only thinks about herself and no one else. If she REALLY KNEW OR CARED ABOUT HER GROOM she would not have made it an issue. Especially on the DAY OF THE WEDDING! Maybe she should not be married because her poor husband is going to have unpredictable (for people who don’t know him) meltdowns caused by his wife’s unpredictable moods! I feel sorry for him and YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Anyone that wants to use a living, breathing being, animal or human, as a decoration or accessory has HUGE ISSUES and needs a therapist.
Even the most grounded person can act differently when emotions and pressure are running high. Your friend may not have been herself that morning, and her request was probably fueled by stress rather than logic. Recognizing this doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it might help you soften the guilt you feel. Sometimes giving people grace can also make healing easier later.
Let time work for you.
Right now, the wound is fresh, and emotions are still raw. Forcing a conversation too soon may only cause more tension. Give her space and allow yourself space too, because both of you need to cool down. Time often helps put things into perspective, especially when friendships have deep roots.
Reach out when you’re ready.
If this friendship matters to you, send a calm, caring message after some time has passed. You don’t have to apologize for everything, but you can acknowledge that the day was stressful and that you wish things had gone differently. Showing that you value her may open the door for a healthier conversation. A gentle step forward might mean more than you think.
