I Charge My 9-Year-Old Daughter Rent Every Month, She Has to Learn the Value of Money

Every parent wants their child to thrive in the world, but how strict is too strict, and when should we soften our approach? Mark, a devoted father to a 9-year-old daughter, recently shared his story with Bright Side. He’s struggling to know if the way he’s raising his daughter is right, especially as he feels the judgment of his entire family weighing down on him.

His letter to Bright Side

Dear Bright Side,

I have a 9-year-old daughter. We give her a small allowance every week, but I also started charging her a symbolic “rent” each month to teach her how to budget. My wife gets it.

But when my MIL found out, she called me up and said, “What kind of father charges rent to his own kid?” I tried to explain that the money isn’t even really gone because I put it in a separate account for her future. But my MIL wasn’t hearing it.

She told half the family, and now at gatherings, I get comments like, “Careful, he might charge you for sitting on his couch.” Am I really the bad guy here, or am I just teaching my daughter a lesson she’ll thank me for one day?

I could use some help on this.

— Mark

Thanks, Mark, for reaching out and sharing your story. Family conflicts like this happen more often than you might expect, so don’t be too hard on yourself. That said, here are a few tips you could try to help resolve the situation.

Frame it as life prep, not punishment

• Every time someone gasps at “rent,” mentally translate it for them: we’re literally simulating the adult world in a safe way. You don’t need to lecture; they’ll eventually get it when she handles money like a pro while their kids are still asking for handouts.

Turn the critics into teaching examples

• When MIL or relatives comment, toss back something like: “Funny, you never mentioned teaching me about money when I was nine.” It’s cheeky, shuts them down, and subtly reframes their critique as a lesson in generational hypocrisy.

Show results quietly

• Focus on her learning: she’s budgeting, saving, maybe even making choices about spending. The outcomes will speak louder than any family opinion.

Reassure your daughter, not the critics

• Make sure your daughter knows this is about her learning, not punishment. The family chatter only matters if it affects her confidence, so your energy is best spent reinforcing her understanding, not defending yourself.

Keep family commentary superficial

• When relatives make jokes, don’t argue. Smile and say, “We’re teaching her about money,” then change the subject. You don’t need approval or debate to do your parenting right.

Accept that some people will never understand

• You’re not “bad” for teaching financial responsibility. Some relatives will always view unconventional parenting as wrong. That’s their bias, not a reflection of your choices.

At the end of the day, teaching responsibility might look a little weird to other people, and that’s fine. This is a similar story to when a kid starts taking way too much advantage of their parent.