So I have this “friend”. I put quotations around it because we’ve had major falling outs, that have resulted in us not speaking for years sometimes. I’ve known her since high school, so like since we were 15, and I used to consider her my best friend.
She introduced me to the father of my son, and things were great but he turned out to be very abusive. When I finally broke down and told her what was happening, she rolled her eyes and said that if he was really as abusive as I say he was I would have left years ago, and that being friends with someone who wants to be the victim all the time was exhausting. I have BPD so I know that sometimes being my friend is tiring but I go to therapy once a week and I have been for years so I’ve learned a lot of skills that help me to be an overall better person, and also to rely on myself instead of draining my friends with my problems. So I know for a fact that I was not constantly playing the victim at all.
I tried to explain like well he wasn’t allowing me to work, or use the car, so I didn’t have any money to just leave with my son, and if I had left with our son, we would be homeless. She basically told me I was lazy and making excuses because if it were her she would have figured it out. I told her she didn’t have a child to worry about and also she has like 50 people she could call (including me) to stay with. She accused me of rubbing it in her face that I have a child and she doesn’t. (She suffers from infertility)
She gave me the silent treatment for basically an entire year after that. And then she apologized and explained that she was really jealous and projecting. I seemed to have everything she wanted, and she couldn’t believe what I was telling her. I understood that a little bit, having BPD can make me a little bit too empathetic at times, so I forgave her, but I still was very standoffish and held back a lot because to be honest I don’t trust her at all.
She told me she was getting married and asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I politely turned her down because that’s a lot of responsibility and I just didn’t foresee myself being able to commit to that kind of pressure. But I did agree to be a bridesmaid. Last weekend she wanted to have a brunch to go over the bachelorette trip to Vegas, and she called me at the last minute saying she didn’t have money for the food so I went to the store and bought everything she would need, and dropped it off. Unfortunately the day of, I was incredibly sick and had to miss out and she was pissed. She gave me the silent treatment for five days and then sent me a long message saying that if I can’t commit to her financially, emotionally and physically for the next six months to let her know because she doesn’t need any selfish people in her wedding party. I was ready to just say fuck it right then but I told her I would think about it. She then sent me a message asking if I would book and pay the deposit for her hairstylist for the wedding, because I went to beauty school with her and I said that didn’t feel comfortable doing that. Again the silent treatment. Then she asked me if I would be willing to do everyone’s makeup for the wedding, and I told her again that I’m not comfortable with that. (I am not a makeup artist, I’m just really good at beating my own face lol). And she said fine but would I be willing to help pay for a makeup artist then. I didn’t respond. Then she sent me yet another message asking when I get my taxes back would I be willing to put the hotel and flights on my card. I again didn’t respond. I know for a fact that I’m the only person she’s asking to pay for these things. She’s been blowing up my phone calling my selfish, saying I don’t really care about her, and asking if I still want to be in the wedding. I haven’t responded but I think today I’m going to just go ahead and tell her I want nothing to do with the wedding. I feel like she’s using me. Some of my other friends agree but most of the wedding party think that I should suck it up for my friends big day, and that I am being selfish.
