PART 17 – As the Evening Went On, I Had to Learn the Difference Between Waiting for Answers and Asking My Son to Carry the Weight of My Fear

The house had grown quieter by the time Ethan opened his eyes again.

He had been resting against me, and I had tried not to move too much.

For a while, I wasn't sure whether he had fallen asleep.

Then he lifted his head and looked toward the hallway.

"Are they still here?"

"Yes," I said. "They're still working."

He rubbed his eyes.

"Do they have to stay all night?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. If they explain anything about the arrangements, I'll tell you."

He nodded, but he didn't look satisfied.

I couldn't blame him.

The officers had been in our home for hours, and I still couldn't explain why the day had turned out this way.

I pulled the blanket back over his knees.

He asked for some water, so I reached for the cup on the table.

I waited while he drank.

Then I set it within his reach.

The small routine made me think about breakfast the next morning.

I had told him we could make a plan, and I wanted to keep that promise as far as circumstances allowed.

I didn't know what the officers might ask us to do.

I didn't know whether we would be able to follow our usual routine.

But I could make sure Ethan knew that his ordinary needs still mattered.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"A little."

I checked whether there was anything simple he wanted.

He named something familiar, and I went to get it.

I didn't turn the question into a discussion about the barber.

I didn't ask whether he remembered anything else.

I simply brought him what he had requested and sat beside him while he ate.

He took small bites.

I noticed how tired he looked, but I didn't assume I knew what the tiredness meant.

He could be exhausted from the long day.

He could be worried.

He could be both.

I let him eat without making him explain himself.

When Detective Alvarez came back into the room, I asked whether there was anything new we needed to know.

She gave me the information she was able to share at that moment.

There was still no explanation that settled the questions troubling me.

I listened carefully and asked her to clarify one point.

Then I thanked her.

She returned to her work.

Ethan watched her leave.

"Did she find out what happened?"

"Not something she has explained to us yet."

He looked down at his plate.

I wanted to soften the answer, but I knew that inventing reassurance would only make another promise I couldn't guarantee.

"We'll listen when she has something to tell us," I added.

He nodded.

I stayed beside him until he finished eating.

The clock continued ticking above the television.

For once, I didn't count the seconds.

Click here to continue reading: PART 18: When Ethan Asked Whether Tomorrow Would Feel Normal Again, I Realized That I Could Offer Him Care Without Pretending to Know What Came Next