I Refuse to Support My In-Laws After My Wife’s Death, I’m Not Their Grief Hostage

When his first wife passed, this man thought keeping ties with her parents was the right thing to do. But what started as compassion soon turned into endless demands and guilt-trips. Now remarried and expecting twins, he faces a shocking move from his ex-MIL that pushed him to the edge.

A desperate man turned to Reddit to vent about his complicated life situation.

The man shared, “I (M, 41) lost my wife, who was 7 months pregnant with my son, when I was 35. I have kept in touch with her parents through the years, despite them being difficult, as I always thought that the pain they have gone through cannot be easy.

They didn’t like when I started dating, which I understood, they claimed parts of the inheritance that were legally mine, and I just let them have it, as I wasn’t with my wife for the money (I gave up something in the vicinity of USD 80k), and during the first years I had to fight their desire to control my every move.

They were constantly checking on my whereabouts, would expect me to console them every time they were sad, and wanted me to keep them informed about any plans I would have… which I don’t even do with my own parents.”

The OP’s ex in-laws crossed every possible border and the man was sincerely fed up.

The OP shared, “I got married 3 years ago, and now we are expecting twins, 2 boys! My former mother-in-law sends me WhatsApp messages and greetings around 3 times per week, so, in one of these occasions, I told her we were expecting.

Her reaction to this was to give a very short ‘congrats’, instantly followed by a claim that I should not forget their daughter and my unborn son. She then changed the subject.

Months have gone by, and she has not checked on the pregnancy once, let alone checking on how I’m doing now with all that. It is an abnormally scary experience for me, since I lost my wife the last time, but also because I am a little bit older now (41), so the energy is not the same, and also because it’s TWINS.”

The man doesn’t know how to proceed with his further relationship with ex in-laws.

The desperate man shared, “I feel this is a one way, energy draining relationship, where they ask and ask from me, but never even care for a second about me as a person or my well-being. As if I was some sort of placeholder for the love they had for their daughter, but couldn’t care less for my life or what is going on with me, so I am thinking in just talking to them, and end the relationship.

Am I wrong here????”

Edit. “As some people seem confused by this: My former MIL still contacts me frequently. Just not interested in new wife, kids, or my feelings with that. That’s why it feels like a biased relationship, because every time something good happens in my life, she tells me, ‘but you can’t forget about your first wife and kid.’ I understand where this comes from, but if you want a relationship with me, it is also with me and my life as a whole, and not some parts you choose at your convenience.”

Redditors flooded the comments section under the man’s post with their emotional opinions.

• One user wrote, “My family lost my oldest sister (29 at the time), and we still keep in touch with her husband. My parents still go to dinner with him at least once a month. When he was ready to start dating again, he talked to my parents and was terrified that the family would be mad at him for moving on, but we all encouraged him to date and find happiness again.
  It seems that her parents are still struggling so they want to watch you struggle too and that’s not at all fair to you.”
• Another one added, “You need to move on and find joy with your wonderful new family. You have done nothing wrong.
  After all the heartache, you deserve to be happy. Remember that you are not their emotional crutch. You even gave them part of the inheritance. Congratulations on your twins. Go live your life in peace.”

• One more user pointed out, “I can’t help but think that they blame OP somehow for her death. Doesn’t matter what the actual circumstances are, because grief isn’t always rational.
  OP, I wish you much happiness. I’d stop answering all of the texts, or at least make her wait longer for a reply, which should be as generic as possible.”
• Some other user wrote, “Also, how dare this woman say ’don’t forget your dead family’ like that is incredibly small-minded and just insulting to be honest. That makes me so mad and sad, thinking about someone saying that to me about a lost loved one. I would go bananas.”

• Another person said, “You’re not guilty. I am a widow, and I had to end my relationship with my in-laws because they were also incredibly negative and invasive.
  I promise you that your life will be easier and your new wife and children will be happier if you end this relationship and move on with your life. Trust me, there is no purpose in continuing to communicate with people who can’t find happiness in your happiness.”

This man isn’t the only one with trouble with his in-laws. Another reader, a 35-year-old woman named Kelly, is desperate because of her intricate relationship with her MIL. While many women are complaining that their mothers-in-law are misbehaving with them, and it costs a lot of effort for them to win their appreciation, Kelly’s story is just the opposite.

Her mother-in-law is the kindest person on Earth, and she’s never said a bad word about Kelly. But our heroine is struggling so much, because she actually hates the mother of her husband, and she gave her reasons for it in her candid letter to us.

Another one of our readers, Emily, reached out and shared her story: My MIL Threw Away My Late Mom’s Gift and Still Expected Me to Thank Her