I Refuse to Change My Style Just So My Husband Stays Attracted to Me

Personal style is just that, personal. Everyone has their own idea of what’s fashionable and what’s not. Forcing your fashion choice on someone else is essentially saying, “I want to change you.” Just like in Helen’s case. Her love of black has left her husband feeling unattracted to her.

Here’s Helen’s story.

I always wear black. It’s my happy color. After over 15 years of marriage, he decided to demand that I dress like “other women” or in more “girly” colors. I ignored him, until he got distant. One night, I walked in and I saw him holding his phone, he was whispering into his phone, “Yes, these clothes are lovely, thank you Janice (his sister).”

On the bed were clothes I’d never seen before. He had been secretly asking her for help choosing outfits he thought would “fix” me. I told him I’m not wearing any of that, and he burst out saying, “Your style is too depressing!” So, I left the house and told my mom. She told me, “You know, he’s got a point. Maybe you should experiment with colors.”

It didn’t end there. I also got a call from my sister, my MIL, my SIL, everyone. They were telling me the same thing. I felt so ganged up on and pressured into being someone I’m not. How should I deal with this situation?

Helen, you did nothing wrong.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your husband trying to control what you wear is understandably frustrating to deal with. If you’ve been married for 15 years, there’s no reason he should talk about your fashion taste now. There’s likely something else that could be bothering him.

As for your family, they should’ve had your back. How you dress is always up to you. Leaving the situation for a bit could help, so you could get a breather. Maybe stay over at a close friend’s house until you try to piece exactly what you want to say back. But, either way, stand your ground. Don’t change for anyone. If black is your happy color, you can wear it however times you like.

While some partners like Helens’ pressure you to stay “pretty” in their eyes, others feel like you’re trying too hard. That’s the story of this woman, whose husband thinks that if she’s taking too much care of herself, that means she’s selfish.

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