Money stress and retirement concerns are common in blended families, especially when one partner handles most of the finances. Conflicts can arise over spending, priorities, and free time, making everyday life feel tense even in otherwise happy households.
Jack’s letter:
I don’t mind that, I love her, I love the kids, but retirement is creeping up, and I’ve been stressing like crazy about money. Things are already tighter than I’d like. So the other night, I gently suggested that maybe she could pick up a part-time job. Nothing insane, just something to help out a little bit since she does have a lot of free time during the day. She actually said she’d “think about it,” which I thought was a good sign.
Maybe she got the new bag for her new job she plans on getting.. Maybe he should look at it as it may be the last thing he buys for her.. Since she’s younger and he’s fixing to retire and she’s going to have a job now.. Maybe it’s him she’ll kick to the curb since her suggested she get a job and that one person stated that the husband should do the same with her and her 2 kids .
Fast forward literally, the very next day, my head boiled when I saw she walked in with a designer handbag, insisting it was “a timeless purchase.” Like, full-on bougie label, and we are not talking cheap. I asked her what that was about, and she just smiled and said it was a “timeless purchase.” I swear, I could feel my blood pressure spike.
If she cooks, cleans, does laundry and grocery shops then she works. The timing for the handbag purchase was bad. Does she know how tight things are with money? Does she frequently make expensive purchases? Hubby should tell his wife exactly how he feels. The household budget should include money for her personal purchases. With a part time job, she could contribute toward the bills. Also, she should save part of her income to buy a luxury item. .
Here I am, I’m crunching numbers for retirement, and she buys a designer bag, calling it a “timeless investment.” I can’t get past how careless it looks. And I’m questioning whether I came on too strong, or if she’s the one being completely unreasonable here. What do you guys think, am I being controlling, or is she being out of touch with reality here?
Thank you in advance,
Jack.
Maybe show her the numbers and why buying the bag throws things off. Show her the plan in full. Show her the numbers you crunched. Maybe that will help her understand. If she keeps buying extravagant things after that, then give her the choice of either couple’s counseling or divorce.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jack! We know it’s not easy to talk about money and family stuff so openly. We pulled together some pieces of advice, not as perfect answers, but as thoughts a good friend might share. Hopefully, a few of them give you a different angle or at least make you feel less alone in this.
- Frame it as teamwork — You’ve been carrying the financial load for years. That’s a lot, man. But if you frame it as you need her help instead of her owing you, she’ll probably hear it differently. Nobody likes feeling indebted, but most people want to support their partner when they know it’s really needed.
- Try to make it her choice — Look, you’re not wrong for stressing about money. Retirement isn’t like some vacation where you stop working and life just funds itself. It can be scary. Maybe instead of just saying “get a part-time job,” try asking her what she wants to do that could bring in money. If she feels like it’s her choice, she might actually stick with it.
- Focus on the outcome, not the method — Don’t wait until retirement to adjust your lifestyle. If money’s tight, start acting like retirees now. Cut some extras, downgrade a few luxuries. If she feels the pinch in daily life, she’ll probably realize faster that her income could make a big difference.
